rMag

A Heart Condition

Dana Hubbard

It all started when I met Tyler.¹ He stepped into my life while we worked together on the mission field. He was handsome, musical, and sensitive; the more we worked together, the more of my heart I gave to him. All along, I knew that it was not God’s will for me to be attached to Tyler romantically. And yet, my heart slipped from my hands. In many ways, we were just good friends, but my soul became bound to him. My mind was consumed with thoughts of Tyler. My will was weak in his presence. My emotions were uncertain and easily changed. The stability of my world depended on what Tyler thought of me. I was stunned and heartbroken when he left. My close friends withdrew from me, and some even told me they saw it coming. It was at that point that I saw the sin: the sin of giving my heart away.

One evening, after he left to return home, I sat broken hearted in my room. I began to plead with God and cry bitterly. God directed me to read 1 John 3:4 and it came alive to me: “Whosoever committeth sin transgresseth also the law: for sin is the transgression of the law” (King James Version). I knew I had sinned, but there was something more. It was as if God turned to me right then and said, “Dana, you have broken my law by giving your heart to this guy, Tyler.”

I was stunned to say the least. Somehow I had rationalized that I was not actually sinning. However, when I flipped to Exodus 20 to see how I had broken the Ten Commandments, I realized the depth of this sin.

#1- “Thou shalt have no other gods before me.”
Since Tyler is not God’s man for me, coming at God’s perfect time, and in God’s way, I can put Tyler before God and spend more time “with him” than God.

#2- “Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image . . .”
If I have given Tyler my heart, I will begin to idolize him and “worship” him (or “the ground he walks on”). Maybe the “graven image” is something of his or a drawing of him or whatever . . . fill in that blank.

#3- “Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain . . .”
If Tyler isn’t a godly guy, he can lead me astray and into foul language. You may think that you would never do that, but a girl will do almost anything to impress a guy if she really wants to. This includes compromising long-held standards.

#4- “Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.”
If I go to church with Tyler . . . well, I hope you can see how that can lead to dishonoring the Lord’s day! You can bet on the fact that I will not be thinking of God if, during church, I am staring a hole into the back of some guy’s head.

#5- “Honor thy father and thy mother . . .”
My mom and dad have asked me to give them my heart as a gift for them to cherish and protect until God directs them to pass it on to someone else to protect. I will not be respecting their wishes if I give my heart away. And furthermore if, like I said before, Tyler leads me away from long-held convictions or standards, then I could dishonor my parents or God.

#6- “Thou shalt not kill.”
Anger deserves the same punishment as murder in God’s kingdom (Matthew 5:22). If I do not get Tyler’s full attention or if he rejects me, it can have some horrible consequences. It could lead me to hate him or someone else that he admires more. Once I cross this line, I deserve the punishment for murder.

#7- “Thou shalt not commit adultery.”
Scripture also says that lust is the same as adultery (Matthew 5:28). All girls, including me, struggle with lust. I can see, with my mind’s eye, ways Tyler can fulfill me emotionally. I begin to dwell on these and here is where the “giving your heart away” comes into play. In reality, Tyler is only man’s solution to a God-sized problem. God is the only one who can fulfill those emotional voids. He can only do it if He is given that special place in my heart that I give to Tyler. In a way I guess you could say I was cheating on God because Scripture describes me as His bride.

#8- “Thou shalt not steal.”
By giving my heart away, I am stealing from my future husband a piece of my heart. My heart is not mine to give because it is in my parents’ care, remember? It really is the property of God since He lives there (salvation makes “my heart, Christ’s home”).

#9- “Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.”
When I give my heart away, I begin to fantasize about “us” and relive every little moment we spent together. This is wrong because I am lying to myself about a possible future I can have with Tyler when God has told me “no.” I will not be able to see him as God sees him or be in a sober, steady mind about anything concerning Tyler. This is the flighty, flirty side of things. This does not make it Tyler’s fault, either, because “The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked: who can know it?” (Jeremiah 17:9).

#10- “Thou shalt not covet . . . thy neighbor’s [spouse] . . .”
Now we come to the clincher of the whole deal. I am literally coveting another woman’s husband if I give my heart away to Tyler. If Tyler is not to be my husband, then it is possible he is another woman’s husband. How would I feel if I knew the same thing was going on with my future husband?

Also, it sort of says to God that I do not think He can pick someone good enough for me or that I can pick better than He can. It shows arrogance and ungratefulness to God who has already personally prepared a better story and man just for me.

As I read Exodus 20, I broke. I confessed my sin and asked God to heal my heart. I also asked God to restore my heart. Although I cannot get that piece back, He can make my heart whole again.

Unfortunately, the cruel cycle of giving my heart away has continued long since this story I have shared ended. You may be wondering, “How can I get out of this cycle?”

I asked God that question, and He sent me on a journey through Song of Solomon. It was as if Jesus Himself came and sat next to me and began to explain His great, deep, passionate love for me. Not only the redeeming love of a Savior, but the romantic love of a bridegroom. I was shocked beyond words! I had never thought the Creator of the universe could love and value me like a fiancé or husband. I expected that job to be reserved for guys like Tyler. God spoke to me then and said, “Dana, if you wish to be out of this cruel cycle, you must fall deeply and wholly in love with me, like the woman in Song of Solomon is in love with ‘her man.’”

I still do not fully understand this, but I want to encourage you to look for that passionate love of Christ as you read Scripture. Remember that your Savior is the Lover of your soul. He is overpoweringly in love with you and longs for you to respond in whole-hearted love to Him. I want to close with one of my favorite verses from Song of Solomon, which says:

Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death: jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame. (King James Version, Song of Solomon 8:6)

The consuming love of God is the protector and shield of your heart. Give it to Him to protect and then let go.